Stories | Diary of a Diva
My Friends
Published Nov. 12, 2008
Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything has changed. — Irene Peter I’m not the type to mount a soapbox and demand credit for my accomplishments, but in this case, it never could have happened ...
Portuguese Hospitality
Published Nov. 5, 2008
I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him. — Abraham Lincoln Before finalizing ...
The Great Escape
Published Oct. 29, 2008
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves. — Earl Wilson Six months ago, when I first felt the rippling effects of the subprime mortgage meltdown, I began systematically ...
The Newlywed Game Published Oct. 22, 2008
Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. — Mae West The rain fell in big droplets on the centuries-old cobblestones ... More Comments (7)
Democratic Process Published Oct. 15, 2008
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. — Maureen Murphy "Okay, ... More Comments (13)
Native Tongue Published Oct. 8, 2008
One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing. — Frank Sheed ‘How do you say, ‘Your mother is a ... More Comments (7)
Clutter Clingers Published Oct. 1, 2008
Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. — William Morris David was both appreciative ... More Comments (4)
Comfort Food Published Sept. 24, 2008
An easygoing husband is the one indispensable comfort of life. — Marie Louise De La Ramee ‘You know what sounds really good right now?” David ... More Comments (18)
Poodle Peepers Published Sept. 17, 2008
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. — Rita Rudner When Rosa asked me what my plans were ... More Comments (8)
Homeland Absurdity Published Sept. 10, 2008
If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere. — Frank A. Clark The only burp so far on our ... More Comments (10)
Animal Magnetism Published Sept. 3, 2008
If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. — Doris Day According to ... More Comments (10)
We Sisters Published Aug. 27, 2008
Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about rock and roll. — Shigeru Miyamoto Heather was right when she said an explanation ... More Comments (4)
Child's Pose Published Aug. 20, 2008
Yoga is difficult for the one whose mind is not subdued. — Bhagavad Gita Despite all the dismissive things I’ve said about patchouli-wearing chakra tweakers, ... More Comments (9)
Tele-Visiting Published Aug. 13, 2008
I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. -- Orson Welles I wondered whether or not it ... More Comments (16)
Play Day Published Aug. 6, 2008
What is bought is cheaper than a gift. — Portuguese proverb I had told Jen to be ready at 8:15 a.m. At 8 a.m. she ... More Comments (2)
Married Off Published July 30, 2008
All weddings, except those with shotguns in evidence, are wonderful. — Liz Smith The first one was periwinkle and the texture of living room drapes. ... More Comments (7)
Little Brown Dress Published July 23, 2008
When I free my body from its clothes, from all their buttons, belts, and laces, it seems to me that my soul takes a deeper, ... More Comments (9)
Hard-Drive Havoc Published July 16, 2008
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.” — Dave Barry The initial symptoms of a massive failure, such as a heart ... More Comments (4)
Vest-ment Published July 9, 2008
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. — Bill Gates David’s brother Dana and I stood side by side, surveying ... More Comments (3)
Daddy's Girls Published July 2, 2008
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. — Gloria Naylor Like a good amateur psychologist, when I encounter a hot mess of ... More Comments (6)
Panty Party Published June 25, 2008
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. — Dorothy Parker Most of the “lingerie parties” I’ve attended have featured women arriving in their finest lace or ... More Comments (8)
Mac Down Published June 18, 2008
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. — G.K. Chesterton It was not an invitation — it was a challenge. It ... More Comments (7)
Legally Blind Published June 11, 2008
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. — Dorothy Parker When I was six years old I had an imaginary friend named Jesus. ... More Comments (9)
Tea High Published June 4, 2008
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. — Alice Walker Mom had been exercising her pinkie for three days. She told me the ... More Comments (7)
A Diva Walks into a Bar... Published May 28, 2008
A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. — Jim ... More Comments (2)
Big Girl Outing Published May 21, 2008
If sisters were free to express how they really feel, parents would hear this: “Give me all the attention and all the toys and send ... More Comments (5)
Heaven and Hell Published May 14, 2008
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. — Woody Allen I led David to the nose of the ferry — it was a ... More Comments (7)
The Little One Published May 7, 2008
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. — Ed Howe The gestation period had only been three months — from ... More Comments (13)
Techno-laziness Published April 30, 2008
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. — Alfred E. ... More Comments (3)
My Kryptonite Published April 23, 2008
For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing. — Friedrich Nietzsche It was a cruel thing to do, but I don’t ... More Comments (4)
Neighborly Love Published April 16, 2008
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our neighbors are ... More Comments (4)
Hot Stuff Published April 9, 2008
Tell me what you eat, I’ll tell you who you are. — Anthelme Brillat-Savarin I was an occasional user. At least that’s what I told ... More Comments (6)
Bruise-skis Published April 2, 2008
I had a cold, wet, numb butt; it was nice because I was getting hot. — Heather, Barbarella’s sister Our absurd attempt to produce fire ... More Comments (7)
Shore Stop Published March 26, 2008
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. — Dave Barry The way my friend Jen tells it, her ... More Comments (7)
Psycho Analysis Published March 19, 2008
I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them. — Susan Sontag I didn’t want to see the doctor. I never do. ... More Comments (7)
The Secret Published March 12, 2008
The Secret is not just a moronic hymn to greed and selfishness; it nastily suggests that victims of catastrophe are the authors of their misfortunes. ... More Comments (11)
Conceptual Cuisine Published March 5, 2008
I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide. — Steve Martin as Harris in L.A. Story To ... More Comments (3)
Mini Me Published Feb. 27, 2008
The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to the self, his mobile Walden Pond. — Edward McDonagh One damp December ... More Comments (4)
Tale of Two Brothers Published Feb. 20, 2008
Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are ... More Comments (3)
Matters of the Heart Published Feb. 13, 2008
When I look at my hands and in my heart, I see stress as Lady Macbeth saw blood. — Berri Clove I was going to ... More Comments (6)
Jane's Dream Published Feb. 6, 2008
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t. — Henry Ward Beecher ... More Comments (4)
Dis-Ativan-tage Published Jan. 30, 2008
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. — Carl Jung A ladybug ambled across my absentee ballot and paused, seemingly undecided between YES and ... More Comments (6)
Hotel Fetish Published Jan. 23, 2008
It is impossible to overdo luxury. — French Proverb The orange light reflecting off the water’s surface slowly transformed to red. “You should have put ... More Comments (4)
Party Tricks Published Jan. 16, 2008
When the wine goes in, strange things come out. — Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller David opened a second bottle of wine and circled the ... More Comments (2)
Turn Off Published Jan. 9, 2008
Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools. — Henry David Thoreau I remember my first time like it was yesterday. My heart beat ... More Post a comment
Merry Tuesday Published Jan. 2, 2008
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. — Katharine Whitehorn He didn’t have to ... More Comments (3)
Guys Gone Wild Published Dec. 27, 2007
I am leaving the town to the invaders: increasingly numerous, mediocre, dirty, badly behaved, shameless tourists. -- Brigitte Bardot W e told our friends we ... More Post a comment
Bad Santa Published Dec. 20, 2007
Love looks forward hate looks back, anxiety has eyes all over its head. -- Mignon McLaughlin Everything had been going so well. The Seattle sky ... More Post a comment
Comet Courtesy Published Dec. 13, 2007
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. -- English proverb I was yanked into consciousness -- adrenaline tensed my muscles for fight or ... More Post a comment
Turkey Tempest Published Dec. 6, 2007
Turkey, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally, it is ... More Post a comment
Daddy Dogma Published Nov. 29, 2007
There are no facts, only interpretations. -- Friedrich Nietzsche 'You want some eggs with that ketchup?" "Very funny, Four-Eyes," Dad said, using the nickname he ... More Post a comment
Breast Defense Published Nov. 21, 2007
Were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat. -- William Shakespeare I was standing in the kitchen, ... More Post a comment
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