Stories | Matthew Alice
Belly Butterflies, Season Names, Gum
Published July 23, 2008
Heymatt: My home-office chair is missing its back, and I nearly fell out of it this morning, giving me the “butterflies.” While the vision of a tiny jar full of butterflies fluttered through my head, I ...
Shrunken Heads, Smoker History
Published July 9, 2008
Heymatt: I’ve always wondered about shrunken heads. How do they shrink the skull? That’s bone, and I can’t figure out how anybody could shrink bone. I’m not planning to do any shrinking myself. I’m just ...
Diet History, Transgender Surgery
Published July 2, 2008
Hey, Matt: Are you skinny or fat? And if you’re fat, are you on a diet? Everybody I know is on a diet. And some of them aren’t even fat. Who was the first person ...
Duck Tape, Classical Radio Station Published June 25, 2008
Heymatt: This is a question about the most useful stuff in the world: duct tape. I used to call it duck tape until some friends ... More Post a comment
The Albatross, Booger Edibility Published June 18, 2008
Heymatt: I have read many a time that albatross spend most of their lives out over the ocean and never come ashore. Well, I guess ... More Comment (1)
Egg Orientation, Flavorless Strawberries, Human Combustion Published June 11, 2008
Matt: When a hen lays an egg, which end comes out first? Settle our bet. — Fat End and Pointed End, via email Ever seen ... More Post a comment
Collagen, Helium, and Butt Boozin' Published June 4, 2008
Hey, Matthew: Before I have collagen injections in my lips, I have to know where they get the collagen. Is it human? Does it come ... More Comment (1)
Seagulls, Pigeons, Alcohol Enemas Published May 21, 2008
Heymatt: How far inland can seagulls be found? Are they looking for quieter digs, or are they just lost out there? — Charlie Bingbang, inland ... More Post a comment
Bangs, Piggy Banks, Flies Published May 7, 2008
Dear Matt: When I was a little girl, my mother always cut my hair in bangs, straight across my forehead. I was looking at some ... More Post a comment
Gravity, Sexless Published April 30, 2008
Matthew Alice: In school we were talking about how the earth spins around like a top. The teacher said that is what makes days and ... More Post a comment
String Cheese, Obama's Grandpa, Booze & Caffeine Published April 23, 2008
Matt: We are all familiar with the two major forms of mozzarella cheese, the larger amorphous blob we grate and use on pizza and the ... More Post a comment
Perps, X-rayed Sandwiches, and Equatorial Toilets Published April 9, 2008
Heymatt:When I watch all my crime shows on TV, I’ve always wondered about lineups. There’s a bunch of five or six guys in a row ... More Post a comment
Raw Foods, Amazons, Mighty Wind Published April 2, 2008
Heymatt: I have a food question that has been giving me indigestion lately. My girlfriend is on this raw-food kick. She says cooking takes all ... More Comment (1)
Heart Smart Published Feb. 13, 2008
Heymatt: Why is the human heart considered the center of love and affection? Who decided that? And where did the valentine heart come from? Is ... More Post a comment
Morale Savior Published Feb. 6, 2008
Matthew Alice: Who invented the yellow smiley face logo? Is he a millionaire now? — Smilingly Curious, via email Some lucky people choose to make ... More Post a comment
Elvis, Where Are You Now? Published Jan. 30, 2008
Heymatt: I seem to remember that when Elvis died, he was buried somewhere other than on the grounds of Graceland, but something happened and they ... More Post a comment
Chia Pets, Channel 1, Whitened hair, Wet Fabric Color Published Jan. 16, 2008
Heymatt: What’s up with the Chia Pet? Why every Christmas are we bombarded with ads for these weird things? Where did they come from? Who ... More Post a comment
Swiss Army, Tans, Baby Corn, Six Feet Under Published Jan. 9, 2008
Dear Matthew: I got a Swiss Army Knife for Christmas. The person who gave it to me keeps trying to tell me that the Swiss ... More Post a comment
Twins, Corned Beef, and Jehovah's Witnesses Published Nov. 15, 2007
Hey, M.A.! Given the following hypothetical -- two identical twin brothers, Joe and Moe, marry two identical twin sisters, Jean and Jane, at double wedding ... More Comments (2)
Southpaw Cats, Pakistan, and Farts Published Nov. 8, 2007
Matt: Is my cat left-handed? Whenever she plays with her toys or her food, I've noticed that she uses her left paw more than her ... More Comment (1)
Heave-Ho Heifer Published Oct. 25, 2007
Hey, Matt: Three people from back East told me they had participated in cow-tipping episodes. When I said that I didn't believe them, they said ... More Post a comment
Tattooed Tears, Box Office Baloney Published Oct. 18, 2007
Dear Matthew Alice: What is the symbolism of a teardrop tattoo at the outside corner of an eye? -- Anonymous, somewhere Bigger subject than it ... More Post a comment
Baby Eyeballs, Irate on Gar-NET, Roman Numerals Published Oct. 11, 2007
Hey, Matt: Here's another argument for you to settle. I say we're born with full-size eyeballs. They don't grow as we get older. The person ... More Post a comment
Let's Stop at the Mall Published Oct. 4, 2007
Heymatt: I have a habit -- no, compulsion -- to run stop signs in mall parking lots, strip malls, and other private property locations. When ... More Post a comment
Surfing Temp, Bong Dogs, Pee Planning Published Sept. 27, 2007
Sr. Matteo: What's with the ocean temperatures this summer? Instead of the typical 70 to 71 degrees in July/August, it's been fluctuating wildly (for an ... More Post a comment
Flies: They Poop, They Die Published Sept. 20, 2007
Heymatt-- Do flies go to the bathroom, deposit feces? -- Devon Davis, 782 CBSSS/PK Hi, Matt: The flies in my home seem slower than usual, ... More Post a comment
Physics on a Bar Stool Published Sept. 20, 2007
Hi, Matt: When my boyfriend drinks beer out of a glass, he puts a paper coaster or the like on top of the glass to ... More Post a comment
Fernando's Favorite Chips Published Sept. 20, 2007
Hey, Matt: My husband swears the Tostitos of his childhood (late '70s, early '80s) were round and nacho cheese flavored. He even remembers a commercial ... More Post a comment
Norma Jeane Mortensen Baker Dougherty DiMaggio Miller Published Sept. 13, 2007
Hi, Matt: One of my favorite E. John songs is "Candle in the Wind." One question: How the hell did they make Norma Jean change ... More Post a comment
The Opposite of Jalape�o Published Sept. 13, 2007
Hey, Matt: There are plenty of ingredients or toppings that add spice to a meal, but is there anything I can add to "cool" the ... More Post a comment
The Bird Is the Word Published Aug. 30, 2007
Dear Matthew Alice, I received this info from a friend in an e-mail. Is this true or real?? Or is it a joke? The History ... More Post a comment
The Red Stuff They Drop From Planes on Fires Published Aug. 30, 2007
Hey, Matt: What is the red stuff the planes drop on the brush fires? How does it work? -- EED, via e-mail Works very well, ... More Post a comment
Monkey Economics Published Aug. 30, 2007
Dear Matty: In the movie Party Girl, with Parker Posey, there is a reference that the Dewey decimal system is so easy to learn that ... More Post a comment
Number 5 on the Gay Index Published Aug. 23, 2007
Hey there, Matt: I got this line from Wikipedia explaining the culture of San Diego: "San Diego had a gay index of 186 (gay male ... More Post a comment
Extraordinary Aliens Published Aug. 23, 2007
Hey, Matt: Why can foreigners like David Beckham, Yao Ming, and many others just pop over to the USA whenever they want, make millions here ... More Post a comment
Phone Calls from Jesus Published Aug. 16, 2007
Dear Matthew Alice: I understand how cordless phones can pick up signals from other devices. HOWEVER, my wall-mounted (very corded) telephone has been picking up ... More Post a comment
Matthew Alice License Plates? Published Aug. 16, 2007
Hey, Matt: I seem to be the only one noticing this, but it's driving me crazy! I keep seeing California license plates that follow this ... More Post a comment
Microwaving Staples Published Aug. 16, 2007
Hey, Matt: I make tea nowadays by microwaving both the water and tea bag together. It works just fine. It's quick and easy. But I've ... More Post a comment
Boob Job Published Aug. 9, 2007
Hey, Matt: Why do they call 'em boobs? -- An Aficionado, San Diego Matthew: What's the difference between silicone and silicon? Why isn't it Silicone ... More Post a comment
Pigeon graveyards Published Aug. 5, 2007
Matthew: Where do pigeons go to die? -- Inquiring Mind, North Park Birdy folks and pest-control folks generally agree that when a pigeon's feeling funky, ... More Post a comment
Blood is thicker in Canada Published Aug. 5, 2007
Heymatt: Mt boyfriend is from Canada, and he claims that when people move from a cold climate to a warm climate, their blood gets thinner ... More Post a comment
Dog Jugs Published Aug. 2, 2007
Hey, Matt: Walking around my neighborhood you can't help but notice numerous homeowners who have placed plastic jugs or glass jars of water in their ... More Post a comment
Beauty Queen Vanishes! Published Aug. 2, 2007
Dear Matt: Whatever happened to the "Fairest of the Fair" at the San Diego County Fair or Del Mar Fair? -- Bob, via e-mail Hey, ... More Post a comment
A Guy vs. CO2 Published Aug. 2, 2007
Matt: Settle an argument I'm having with my wife. I say if you open one of those big plastic bottles of soda, pour out the ... More Post a comment
Hot Buns Published July 26, 2007
Hey, Matt: Why are cinnamon candies "red hot"? I have never thought the taste of a cinnamon roll or other baked good was particularly eye ... More Post a comment
Spit, Sneeze, and Other Origins Published July 26, 2007
Dear Matthew Alice: Where the heck did the expression "spitting image" come from? -- Wendell, San Diego Heymatt: Where did the expression "nothing to sneeze ... More Post a comment
Exploding Heads Published July 19, 2007
Dear Matt: I just received this e-mail. "Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a chess player ... More Post a comment
The Case of the P.B. Mermaid Published July 19, 2007
The Case of the P.B. Mermaid All manner of stuff sails in through the open windows here at Alice Inquiries and Pedicures, LLC. Some of ... More Post a comment
Save the Fleas! Published July 5, 2007
Heymatt: I've heard during the golden era of the flea circus, there were some who complained about the mistreatment of fleas. Is it possible for ... More Post a comment
Bad Beer Published July 5, 2007
MA of Reader: I have a cabin in Julian that has a collection of nine bottles of beer in the fridge. Two Budweisers were left ... More Post a comment
Plane Lights Published July 5, 2007
Matt: Why do commercial jetliners fly around with their headlights on? Are they going to prevent the plane from running into something up there? -- ... More Post a comment
How many bees died to make my pollen smoothie? Published July 3, 2007
Matt: Bee-ing a concerned smoothie drinker, me and a few colleagues were wondering what the actual process was in collecting bee pollen that we use ... More Post a comment
- « View Older Matthew Alice Articles
- View Newer Matthew Alice Articles »